Goodbye Yellow Brick Road

By Patrick Welch

"How much farther?" asked the Cowardly Lion. He was so exhausted he had to hold up his tail with a forepaw lest it drag on the ground.

Dorothy stopped so abruptly that the Tin Woodman nearly bumped into her. She gave the lion a withering glare. "How the hell would I know? It's not like I'm from around here, you know."

"But we'll get to Oz, yes?" The Tin Woodman rattled as he spoke. He needed a good oiling.

Not at this rate, she thought. She knew she should have done this on her own, although it had seemed like a good idea at the time. She certainly didn't know her way around this strange land even with the Yellow Brick Road to guide her. They certainly needed her help and at least she had some companionship. But this kind of companionship was not what she had bargained on. "Yes. Oz has to be close by now." I sure hope it is. "Let's keep moving or we'll never get there."

"Which way?" the Scarecrow asked and pointed. "The road leads north and south."

Dorothy gritted her teeth. She had never realized traveling with someone lacking a brain would be so tiresome. "Since we came from the south and Oz wasn't there, it would only make sense to go north, wouldn't it?"

"I suppose," the Scarecrow said, although the expression on his face was proof he wasn't totally convinced.

"Then let's move out, campers," and she started walking.

They had only traveled another mile, one punctuated by periodic complaints from her companions, when there was a sudden clap of thunder. "What was that?" cried the Cowardly Lion as he hid behind Dorothy.

"Just thunder," and she shook her head. "It's going to rain is all."

"Oh, no! I'll rust!" the Tin Woodman shouted and ran toward the trees for protection.

"You can't rust, you're tin!" she yelled at him.

"Will I rust?" asked the Scarecrow, deeply concerned.

"I rather doubt it. You're made of straw, remember." Then she turned her attention to the lion. "Stop pulling at my dress, you'll tear it with your claws. Let's keep moving."

"I'm staying here until the storm passes over," said the Tin Woodman from his sanctuary under a nearby tree.

"Go ahead. I hope lightning hits that tree and flattens you like a run-over beer can." Then she turned her ire on the lion. "And you, Mr. Useless, just what are you going to do if we're attacked by the evil witch?"

"I'll, I'll..." He paused, gnawed on a claw, then hung his head. "I'll run."

Dorothy looked from one to the other, then sighed in defeat. "You three are as helpful as the IRS. Why don't you all wait here? I'll get to Oz much faster on my own. I'll come back with everything you need." If I feel like it.

"No, no, we have to come with you," the Tin Woodman said as he clanked back to them.

"Please don't," said the Scarecrow. "I couldn't find Oz without you."

"And I would be too scared to try," said the Cowardly Lion.

Their pleas left Dorothy unmoved. "I'll be back. You'll be safe here. Come on, Toto." And she turned and started down the Yellow Brick Road.

The Cowardly Lion, the Scarecrow and the Tin Woodman stared sadly at each other. "What if she doesn't come back?" the Cowardly Lion asked. "Where else can I find courage?"

"Or a brain?" asked the Scarecrow.

"Or a heart?" added the Tin Woodman. Then they turned and watched her slowly walk away. The answer hit them simultaneously.

"How do you feel?"

"Confused," the Scarecrow said. "Having a brain takes getting used to. It's like she's yelling in my ear all the time. She's quite upset about what we did; quite understandable I suppose. But I can deal with it."

"Good." The now not-so-Cowardly Lion then looked at the Tin Woodman. "How about you?"

"Wonderful!" and he gave a metallic smile. "But I was afraid you were going to eat some of her heart!"

"I was careful," and the lion licked some blood off his paw for emphasis. Then he stood and stretched. "I don't know about you two, but I'm still hungry. Let's go find us a few munchkins."